Expecting love to be a permanent state of euphoria is a terrible idea. It is a setup for failure. Love is actually the tolerance for the withdrawal symptoms. It is the transition from the fire of the match strike to the slow burn of the hearth. Yet, we continue to market the match strike as the whole story.
The "bad idea" aspect of love lies in the expectations we attach to it. We view love as a static state of being, a destination we arrive at. In reality, love is a fluid, volatile substance. The person you fall in love with is, chemically speaking, a hallucination. You aren't seeing them ; you are seeing your own unfulfilled needs projected onto a convenient screen.
The best marriages aren't "love marriages." They are respect marriages . They are partnership marriages . They are "we have the same spreadsheet for retirement" marriages.
When we strip away the Hollywood tropes and the societal pressure, we’re left with something much more interesting: two people choosing to navigate a chaotic world together, not because they have to, but because they want to. It only works when we stop falling in love with the idea of marriage and start doing the actual work of loving a human being.
The "love marriage" puts #3 first, ignoring #1 and #2. That is why the divorce rate for "love matches" is statistically indistinguishable from "arranged matches" after 10 years—except arranged couples report being happier in the long run, because their expectations were realistic from day one.
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